


Hubert and Edelgard become class conscious and destroy Capitalism

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dimitri and Ingrid are in here for like a second, In this au the monastery is a mcdonalds and Rhea is their boss, Modern AU, but Hubert and Edelgard work at a barber shop so i can make a sweeney todd joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 19:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21258524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Listen, Professor,” Edelgard interrupts, tucking her black bloc bandana out of sight. “Sometimes, peaceful protesting gets nothing done, and when it doesn’t — then it's time to claim some lives.”





	Hubert and Edelgard become class conscious and destroy Capitalism

Imperial_Princess: Not gonna lie, Karl Marx was onto something when he said “Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!”

fellstar69: who dat

Imperial_Princess: What, you’re still up?

fellstar69: am at petsmart

Imperial_Princess: Why are you at PetSmart?

fellstar69: rhea wants a heating lamp for her lizard

Imperial_Princess: Oh yeah? Does she want a warm rock, and some frozen rats too?

fellstar69: ya how did u know?

Imperial_Princess: She’s a lizard herself..

fellstar69: real?.... no way…..

Imperial_Princess: With all due respect, my teacher, do you have more than one brain cell?

fellstar69: hold on, ill count

November 17, 2019

“Hey, Edie! Nose buried in a book again?” Dorothea asks, glancing over Edelgard’s shoulders

“Oh, Dorothea! I didn't see you there,” Edelgard replies, looking over at the broken clock hanging on the wall. “I was simply admiring the works of Karl Marx, his book ‘Das Kapital’ in particular. It’s a quick read, you could probably find an audiobook somewhere.” 

“Karl Marx? Can’t say I’ve heard of the guy. But he sounds like a boomer, probably old — balding perhaps, gray hairs everywhere..” 

“Well, Dorothea, comrade. I think today will be pretty revolutionary.” Edelgard winks, Dorothea doesn't get her hint.

It takes Edelgard two hours to finish all three volumes of Das Kapital, and an additional minute to read the Communist Manifesto. 

“Fools! Can’t you see that the enemy is right in front of us! Your manager has shanghaied all of you into working from dawn till dusk, only to make two percent of what she makes in a lifetime!” Edelgard yells into the megaphone, the crowd of students goes wild, chanting ‘Workers of the world, unite!’ 

“Is that Edelgard out there on the soapbox?” Byleth turns to Hubert. He nods, and she looks on in utter disbelief. “But why? You two work at a barber shop for goddess sake, what hardships do you even face.”

“Ah… Professor, what a fool you are…” Hubert chuckles to himself, “Let's hope.. That in the coming days, you reach class consciousness before they start rooting out the bourgeois rats underneath the floorboards.” 

“Wait, Hubert! Where are you going?”

“To sate the craving for meat pies.” Hubert replies, rather sinisterly. 

“What the hell is he talking about?” Byleth wonders to herself

A few days of protests later, Byleth is finally able to meet with Edelgard.

“Is that…”

“Listen, Professor,” Edelgard interrupts, tucking her black bloc bandana out of sight. “Sometimes, peaceful protesting gets nothing done, and when it doesn’t — then it's time to claim some lives.”

“But—” 

“Wait…. Wait, what is that? What on EARTH are you wearing????” Edelgard froze, mouth agape.

“An ‘I stand with her’ t-shirt…” Byleth admits, unzipping her jacket.

“You’re a fucking bleeding heart liberal, in this climate?” Edelgard shakes her fist, gracefully throwing off her vegan faux leather jacket to reveal her child labour made t-shirt that reads ‘There is no ethical consumption under late Capitalism.’

“Fuck off, Edelgard,” Byleth rolls her eyes, “You and Hubert marched into Hot Topic and held up a clerk for two hours, demanding their boss to pay them better, and then the cops came, so you had to order it on Redbubble and wait two weeks for it to come.”

“You know what, whatever.”

Edelgard starts to walk off, “Oh, and by the way, Rhea’s ass isn't even that fat.” she picks up her faux leather jacket and storms off.

Later — at Mcdonalds — Rhea was seen jolting thickly out of the building as it shot up in flames. “Great work, Milady,” Hubert’s eyes divert from the building from a second, spotting Ingrid and Dimitri piling up into their van. “Quick, they’re getting away!”

Edelgard’s head whips around, managing to catch sight of the “Trump 2020 Pence” sign on the bumper of their car. “I always knew he would betray the revolution.” they pelt Dimitri’s car in molotovs, and Ingrid yells something about how Dedue probably tipped them off or whatever.


End file.
